The D- Poems of Jeremy Bloom

jeremybloomThe D- Poems of Jeremy Bloom by Gordon Korman and Bernice Korman, 1992.

This book is mostly a collection of funny poems, but there is an overarching story to them.  Jeremy Bloom, a typical middle school slacker, wanted to sign up for the easiest elective course he possibly could.  But, by accident, he overslept on the first day of school, and by the time he got there, sign-ups had already started and the easiest and most popular electives were full.  Desperately trying to find something easy and with as little work possible under the remaining electives, Jeremy decided to sign up for Pottery. (“It was no Snooze Patrol, but how hard could it be to make ashtrays?”)  Only, he made another mistake and accidentally signed up for Poetry, and once he was enrolled, there was no way out of it.  He was committed to spending a year writing poetry.

jeremybloompoemJeremy tries to make the best of things, but somehow (partly through his own fault and partly by accident), he continually manages to do things to annoy his poetry teacher, Ms. Terranova (or, as the kids call her, Ms. Pterodactyl, thanks to a mistake Jeremy made when he said her name on the first day of class).  Every single poem Jeremy writes during the year receives the same grade: D-.  The book is divided into different periods of Jeremy’s work, along with an explanation about what Jeremy did during each period to tick off his teacher.  At the end, the reader can be the judge: Are Jeremy’s D- grades because he’s a terrible poet or because his teacher is mad at Jeremy for everything else he does during the year?  (The answer is pretty obvious.)

My favorite poems are the longer ones like “Why I Was Late,” “The Wheeler-Dealer,” and “No Boring Parts Allowed.”  Just to give you an idea of what the poems are like (although they are written in a variety of styles), here’s another one of my favorites, “Honesty Is Not Always the Best Policy.”

The book is currently available online through Internet Archive.

Eleven Kids, One Summer

ElevenKids

Eleven Kids, One Summer by Ann M. Martin, 1991.

People who recognize the name Ann M. Martin probably know it from the Baby-sitters Club series, although she has written more than just that.  This book is the sequel to Ten Kids, No Pets, which introduces the Rosso family.  I’ve read the book, although I don’t currently own a copy.  Mrs. Rosso has a system for everything (which is important in a family with so many kids, especially since Mr. Rosso is absent-minded), and one of the first systems she invented was the system for naming her children.  She chose their names from a book of baby names in alphabetical order, giving the first A name under the girls’ section to her first child (Abigail), the second name under B in the boys’ section to her second child (Bainbridge) and so on.  It was an efficient system, but many of the children have strange names now, which fits their eccentric family life.  Fortunately, the children assert their own personalities and give themselves nicknames, which also is part of their family life.  In the first book, the Rosso children decide that they really want a pet, something they’re forbidden to have because their parents think it will be too much to handle with their big, busy family.  By the end of the book, they do succeed in getting a pet, and their mother gives birth to her eleventh child.

In Eleven Kids, One Summer, the entire Rosso family (including the cat Zsa-Zsa) is spending the summer in a rented house on Fire Island.  Like the first book, the second is series of short stories, one about each child in the family and how they spend the summer.  Because the children are all part of the same family, the stories all connect, but splitting them up gives some focus to each of the children and allows readers to see events from different perspectives (which is important to really get the full story of some of the things that happen over the summer).  The special things about summer vacation are the possibilities for adventure and the experiences that may change you by summer’s end.

Abigail and the Train-Trip Disaster — Abigail, the oldest child in the family and the most responsible, introduces her family for the benefit of new readers and talks about their chaotic trip to the island where they will be spending the summer.  Even though traveling with such a large family can be a hassle, it gives her the chance to meet a movie star and make some new friends.

Calandra and the Mystery Next Door — Calandra (called Candy) is the dreamy, imaginative child in the family.  She becomes convinced that the old house next to her family’s beach house is haunted.  There’s just something odd about the place, and it’s starting to give her nightmares.

Faustine and the Great Fish Protest — Faustine has always loved animals.  When she watches some fishermen on the island and sees the way fish flop around before they die, she gets angry and decides to become an animal rights activist.  From this point on, she refuses to eat meat or wear anything made of animal products.  But, the hardest part of having a cause that you care deeply about is accepting that not everyone else will feel the same way.

Hannah and the Ghosts — Hannah feels like the odd child out in her family.  None of the other children really share her interests, and she doesn’t have a close, special friend.  That’s why she plays practical jokes on the others.  She’s bored, and feels the need to liven things up and get attention.  Some of her jokes are mean, though.  Hannah knows that Candy thinks the house next door is haunted, so she’s decided to convince her that it’s true.  At least, until Hannah finds the friend she really needs.

Ira and the Hospital Adventure — Ira catches Lyme disease when he is bitten by ticks and has to go to the hospital.  At first, he’s very scared, but everyone does their best to cheer him up.

Janthina and the Beauty Treatment — Jan feels bad sometimes because she used to be the baby of the family, and since Keegan was born, she doesn’t get as much attention.  When her grandparents come to visit, she hopes for some extra attention and maybe that special pink Puffin’ Pal doll that she wants. Instead, her grandparents bring along her aunt and uncle and younger cousins.  What can Jan do to get some attention?

Dagwood and the Million-Dollar Idea — Dagwood (called Woody) is looking for ways to earn extra money.  There are just so many things he wants to buy!  One of his brothers, Eberhard (called Hardy), gives him the idea of going into business, and when he spots some young children getting money for drawing things on seashells, he realizes that he can do the same thing.  In fact, he can do better by making animals out of seashells.  If only some of the other boys on the island would just leave him alone.

Gardenia and the Movie on the Beach — Ever since Abbie met the teenage movie star and learned about the movie that they’re making on the island, various members of the Rosso family have spent time talking with the movie people and their friends and watching the filming.  Now, all the Rosso kids get a chance to be extras in a crowd scene on the beach.  But, that’s not enough for Gardenia.  She wants to be a star!

Bainbridge and the Case of the Curious Kidnapping — Bainbridge (he’s never found a good short form for his name) is fourteen years old and interested in girls.  Things are going well with the girl he’s just made friends with, but their time is cut short when she has to leave the island suddenly due to do a family emergency.  With nothing better to do than do help Woody sell his seashell creations, Bainbridge thinks his last days on the island are going to be dull.  Then, he meets Blaire, a pretty girl with a name almost as strange as his own (so she says).  But, while he’s talking to her, his baby brother Keegan disappears!

Eberhard and the House of the Cursed — Hardy wants to be a detective and loves opportunities to practice his skills.  His sleuthing senses are on high alert after Hannah runs off with Keegan while Bainbridge is talking to a pretty girl and is found following Keegan’s stroller as it seems to roll by itself down the boardwalk.  Hardy knows Hannah’s tricks and figures that she’s up to something.  Then, Candy asks him to help her clear up something that’s been bothering her all summer: the mystery of the haunted house next door.  Although everyone has told Candy that it’s not really haunted, that it’s just her imagination and some mean tricks of Hannah’s, Candy is still convinced that there’s something mysterious about the place.  She thinks that the ghosts there might have even influenced Hannah to do the things she’s done. Detective Hardy is on the case!

Keegan and the End of Summer — As a baby, Keegan doesn’t understand a lot, but he loves his family, and he listens as Abigail explains to him that summer is over, and it’s time for them to go home.

This book is currently available online through Internet Archive.

Wayside School Gets a Little Stranger

WaysideStrangerWayside School Gets a Little Stranger by Louis Sachar, 1995.

Just when you didn’t think it was possible . . .

Having finally managed to remove all of the cows from Wayside School (see the last story in the previous book in the Wayside School Series), Louis declares that Wayside School is ready for the students to return.  Everyone is glad because they were all sent to far more normal schools while Wayside was closed, and they hated it.  Nothing normal ever happens at Wayside, the school that was built sideways (and has a missing floor, where all the really strange stuff happens).

But, things are about to get stranger yet.  The school hires a new school counselor (they probably needed one) named Dr. Pickell (or Dr. Pickle, if you prefer).  He takes the job when he can’t practice psychiatry anymore because of his tendency to play practical jokes on people while they’re under hypnosis.  Can he finally cure Paul of his desire to pull Leslie’s pigtails?

WaysideStrangerPic1Meanwhile, the principal declares that “door” is a very bad word and that everyone should say “goozack” instead.  Mrs. Jewls tells the children to write poems about colors, but some colors rhyme better than others.  Kathy tries to convince everyone that Santa doesn’t exist.  Miss Zarves (who also doesn’t exist), laments about how difficult teaching really is.

Then, the children learn something really surprising: Mrs. Jewls is expecting a baby!  She has to take a break from teaching, and the children have a series of substitutes who are stranger than Mrs. Jewls.  Mr. Gorf turns out to be Mrs. Gorf’s son, and he wants revenge.  Mrs. Drazil turns out to be Louis’s old teacher, the one he was always afraid of, and she wants revenge.  Mrs. Nogard is an unhappy person who wants to make other people unhappy . . . until she realizes that isn’t what she really wants.  Wayside School may be strange, but it does have happy endings!

By the way, anyone notice what the substitutes’ names spell backward?

This book is currently available online through Internet Archive.

Wayside School is Falling Down

WaysideFallingWayside School is Falling Down by Louis Sachar, 1989.

The books in the Wayside School Series are collections of short, funny stories about a school that was accidentally built sideways.  Instead of being a one-story school with thirty classrooms all in a row, Wayside School is a thirty-story school with only one classroom on each floor.  Strange things are always happening there. The stories mostly focus on the kids in Mrs. Jewls’s class on the top floor of the school.  Like the first book in the series, there are 30 short stories in this book.

It would take too long to describe all the stories in the book individually, but they’re just as funny as in the first one.  Mrs. Jewls has a new student, Mark Miller, except that Mark Miller is really Benjamin Nushmutt.  Benjamin would correct Mrs. Jewls except that he seems to be a much better and more popular student as Mark Miller.  But, as he soon learns, answering to a name that isn’t yours is about the least strange thing at his new school.

WaysidePic1Socks figure into many of the stories, with a special jingle invented by Mac, who used to be named Nancy until he traded names with a girl.  It’s fortunate that Mac invented the jingle because Allison uses it to free herself from the non-existent 19th story.  Myron chooses freedom over safety, emancipating himself from the school’s rules.  Bebe invents a younger brother, and things turn around for Leslie when her pigtails pull Paul.  Rondi fears that she’s no longer cute now that her front teeth have grown in.  Joy learns the best thing about the toy dog that Todd brought to school, and Ron actually tries the school lunch.

There are plenty of lessons to learn.  Watch as Mrs. Jewls teaches her class about gravity using her brand new computer!  Dana thinks that she hates stories until she learns that she actually loves them.  Mrs. Jewls teaches Jason not to chew pencils using masking tape.  Dameon learns about love via a dead rat.  Stephen explains how uncomfortable clothes and strangling ties make people look important, and Mrs. Jewls says that it’s what’s underneath that counts, so it’s best to wear expensive undies.  Then, everyone learns to tango in dance class (except Myron).

But, one windy day, the children are faced with an alarming possibility: Can their overly-tall school actually fall down?  (Lyrics courtesy of Kathy, who still hates everyone.)

This book is currently available online through Internet Archive.

Sideways Stories From Wayside School

Wayside

Sideways Stories From Wayside School by Louis Sachar, 1978.

The books in the Wayside School Series are collections of short, funny stories about a school that was accidentally built sideways.  Instead of being a one-story school with thirty classrooms all in a row, Wayside School is a thirty-story school with only one classroom on each floor (the compensation is the extra-large playground).  Also, they accidentally left off the 19th story.  Strange things happen at the school.  Even stranger ones happen on the non-existent 19th story.  But, the stories mostly focus on the kids on the top floor of the school.

WaysideStoriesPic1Each of the books contains thirty stories, like the school (ha, ha!).  It would take awhile to describe them all, but there are stories about each of the kids in Mrs. Jewls’s class.  Mrs. Jewls took over the class on the 30th floor after Mrs. Gorf accidentally turned herself into an apple.  She used to turn her students into apples when they made her mad, but most forms of revenge backfire eventually.  Mrs. Gorf ends up turning herself into an apple when one of her students holds up a mirror, and then, Louis the yard teacher eats her.

Mrs. Jewls is a much better teacher.  She helps Joe learn to count.  Joe can usually only get the right answer when he counts numbers in the wrong order.  She helps John learn to read right-side up instead of upside down.  She teaches Bebe that when it comes to art, quantity doesn’t equal quality (although Bebe did have a pretty good system going there for awhile) and cures Dana’s mosquito bites with the power of arithmetic.  Mrs. Jewls even invents new flavors of ice cream when Maurecia gets tired of every flavor in existence.

The students in Mrs. Jewl’s class are pretty amazing, too.  Todd saves the day when confused bank robbers burst into the class.  Sharie shows her intelligence by sleeping in class, D.J. smiles constantly, and Kathy hates everyone and everything.  Rondi is cute for the things she doesn’t have (like her two missing teeth) and the stuff she doesn’t do (everyone laughs when she doesn’t tell a joke), but what can she do about it?  Paul just wants to pull Leslie’s pigtails, and Leslie thinks maybe she should sell her toes because she can’t find a use for them.

WaysideStoriesPic2Mrs. Gorf does make one more reappearance on the Friday before Halloween.  Mrs. Jewls and the children argue that she can’t haunt the school if it’s not Halloween, but when Halloween falls on a weekend, schools have to have their Halloween party on the Friday before.  Stephen’s just happy that the ghost of Mrs. Gorf justifies his costume.

As Louis the yard teacher says, “It has been said that these stories are strange and silly.  That is probably true. However, when I told stories about you to the children at Wayside, they thought you were strange and silly. That is also probably true.”  Fair is fair.

This book is available online through Internet Archive.