The D- Poems of Jeremy Bloom

jeremybloomThe D- Poems of Jeremy Bloom by Gordon Korman and Bernice Korman, 1992.

This book is mostly a collection of funny poems, but there is an overarching story to them.  Jeremy Bloom, a typical middle school slacker, wanted to sign up for the easiest elective course he possibly could.  But, by accident, he overslept on the first day of school, and by the time he got there, sign-ups had already started and the easiest and most popular electives were full.  Desperately trying to find something easy and with as little work possible under the remaining electives, Jeremy decided to sign up for Pottery. (“It was no Snooze Patrol, but how hard could it be to make ashtrays?”)  Only, he made another mistake and accidentally signed up for Poetry, and once he was enrolled, there was no way out of it.  He was committed to spending a year writing poetry.

jeremybloompoemJeremy tries to make the best of things, but somehow (partly through his own fault and partly by accident), he continually manages to do things to annoy his poetry teacher, Ms. Terranova (or, as the kids call her, Ms. Pterodactyl, thanks to a mistake Jeremy made when he said her name on the first day of class).  Every single poem Jeremy writes during the year receives the same grade: D-.  The book is divided into different periods of Jeremy’s work, along with an explanation about what Jeremy did during each period to tick off his teacher.  At the end, the reader can be the judge: Are Jeremy’s D- grades because he’s a terrible poet or because his teacher is mad at Jeremy for everything else he does during the year?  (The answer is pretty obvious.)

My favorite poems are the longer ones like “Why I Was Late,” “The Wheeler-Dealer,” and “No Boring Parts Allowed.”  Just to give you an idea of what the poems are like (although they are written in a variety of styles), here’s another one of my favorites, “Honesty Is Not Always the Best Policy.”

The book is currently available online through Internet Archive.

Be a Perfect Person in Just Three Days!

PerfectPersonBe a Perfect Person in Just Three Days! by Stephen Manes, 1982.
“Some people want to be astronauts or ballet dancers or plumbers.  Milo Crinkley wanted to be perfect.”
So begins the story of Milo’s journey toward perfection.”Be a Perfect Person in Just Three Days!”  Milo can’t resist trying it when the book by that title falls off the shelf at the library, hitting him on the head when he’s looking for a scary monster book.  The picture of the author, Dr. K. Pinkerton Silverfish, looks a little strange, but Milo figures that it’s worth a try.  After all, the book practically jumped off the shelves at him, begging to be read.  Also, when Milo starts reading the pages, Dr. Silverfish practically seems to be reading his mind, even guessing that he’d try peeking at the end of the book to see how it ends.  (“Didn’t I tell you not to look at the last page of this book? Do you want to become perfect or don’t you?”)PerfectPersonBroccoli
But, Dr. Silverfish’s three-day program isn’t anything like Milo could have imagined.  Could wearing a stalk of broccoli around his neck for an entire day really be a lesson in perfection?  Or skipping all meals the next day?  Or drinking weak tea?  Dr. Silverfish is a bright man, and there are lessons to be learned, but as to whether or not Milo becomes perfect . . . don’t skip to the last page.

There is also a movie version of this book, but the last lesson is different in the movie version, giving the story a slightly different twist.  You can see a shortened version of this movie on Internet Archive. In a way, I kind of like the movie’s twist a little better than the book’s ending because it involves the reader doing something that he never thought that he could do.  The final lesson of the movie was that, while no one is ever perfect, people can do many things that they never thought they could do, which can give them more confidence.  The book focuses more on the boring nature of perfection.  Both of the movie and the book do have the same basic theme: that there may be other options in life that are even better than perfection.