The Adventures of the Bailey School Kids

#7 Aliens Don’t Wear Braces by Debbie Dadey and Marcia Thornton Jones, 1993.

One day, while Mrs. Jeepers’ class is getting ready to take a science test, they hear a strange sound, and the lights mysteriously flicker.  Eddie tries to ask Howie what’s going on, but Mrs. Jeepers sends him to the principal’s office for talking during a test. 

In the office, things are chaotic because the art teacher, Mr. Gibson, is missing, and the second grade teacher is there with her students, asking where the art teacher is.  Eddie meets a strange, pale woman with long, white hair and braces on her teeth.  She says that her name is Mrs. Zork and that she is there to apply for a teaching job.  The principal asks her if she can teach art, and she says that art is her specialty, so the principal hires her as an emergency replacement for the art teacher.  The principal is relieved that a substitute was so handy, but Eddie thinks that it’s a creepy coincidence.

When Mrs. Jeepers takes her class to the art teacher, she is also surprised that Mr. Gibson is gone and questions Mrs. Zork about it.  Mrs. Jeepers says that she saw Mr. Gibson only that morning, and Mrs. Zork tells her that he “had to leave . . . unexpectedly.”  Mrs. Jeepers tells her class to behave for the substitute, but she also seems somewhat suspicious of Mrs. Zork.

Mrs. Zork ignores Mr. Gibson’s previous lesson about totem poles and starts teaching the children pottery.  She seems confused by ordinary expressions, like “you’re all thumbs” and “This place is a zoo.”  When Mrs. Zork escorts Liza to the nurse for a nose bleed, the kids make other discoveries.  A jar of green paint has suddenly turned white, and Mrs. Zork has an old newspaper clipping about a UFO and a star map with a course plotted on it.  Howie, whose father works for the Federal Aeronautics Technology Station, suspects that Mrs. Zork might be an alien.

The kids spy on Mrs. Zork while they’re at recess.  They see her watching a cartoon show on tv, and suddenly, all of the color drains out of it.  It could have been because there was something wrong with the tv, but the kids notice that Mrs. Zork’s braces flash pink afterward, and her hair starts to look more blonde and her cheeks more pink.  Worse still, after Mrs. Zork admires Mrs. Jeepers’ green brooch, suddenly the brooch (as well as Mrs. Jeepers’ hair and eyes) loses some of its color and no longer works in its usual magical way.  Eddie sees it as an opportunity to goof off, and Mrs. Jeepers seems alarmed and leaves the room abruptly.

The children are worried about Mrs. Jeepers, and they can’t help but notice how the art room is looking increasingly drained of color while their new art teacher is getting more and more colorful.  It becomes more and more obvious to Howie that Mrs. Zork is stealing colors from Earth!

This is one of the books where the kids get the most proof of their suspicions, actually seeing Mrs. Zork’s spaceship in her garage.  Even so, Howie’s father doesn’t believe him when he tries to explain the situation to him.  Mrs. Zork tries to convince the children that the spaceship is actually her pottery kiln.  The kids know that somehow, they have to get their colors back to help Mrs. Jeepers and get rid of Mrs. Zork!  Mrs. Jeepers may be creepy, but at least she doesn’t steal colors or give them eternal math problems, like Principal Davis.

The book is available online to borrow for free through Internet Archive.